


A Literal Pain in the Arse

by philsdrill



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: BDSM, Blood, Break Up, Dan Howell - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Smut, but not between dnp, phanfic, phanfluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:23:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14760809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philsdrill/pseuds/philsdrill
Summary: Late into the night, Dan’s boyfriend Steven takes an abusive turn. It’s up to Phil to rescue him and give him the aftercare and consolation he needs.





	A Literal Pain in the Arse

**Author's Note:**

> If you happen to have read this before, I posted this in October 2016 on tumblr. Also if anyone's interested in following me on tumblr - I'm more active on there and there's more fics - you can find me at [philsdrill](https://philsdrill.tumblr.com).

**Phil’s POV:**

The silence of an empty flat rung in my ears. Where was the laughter that usually filled it? Where was the bright, cheery atmosphere? I know I’m meant to be the sun, but I don’t shine without Dan there. Tonight, Dan was spending at his boyfriend’s place. The very fact that Dan spent nights at his boyfriend’s made me feel hollow inside. What if one day he chose to move in with him? What would I do then? Become a black hole and swallow up the world with my darkness?

I lay awake in my bed. I’d never admit it, but I struggled to sleep when I was alone in the house. I’m nearly thirty, and yet in so many ways I still act like a child. I need someone else nearby to make me feel a little bit less empty. I knew Dan felt the same way, which is why we worked so well together. We relied on each other. Each time he went away for the night, I would insist that I’d be fine alone. I couldn’t have him worrying about me.

I rolled over in my bed once more, attempting to block out the loneliness, when my phone suddenly started blaring through the silence. All of my friends and family would break through ‘do not disturb’ mode, because I knew they wouldn’t call me that late unless something was wrong. I sat up in my bed and grabbed my phone from the table next to me. It looked like it said ‘Dan’, but I didn’t have my glasses on. I answered the phone, realising I had no time to fumble for my glasses to read the display.

“Dan?” I asked blearily as I put the phone to my ear, unable to think of anyone whose name looked similar.

“Phil,” Dan’s voice replied, but sounding very distraught, “Can you come and get me? I… help?”

“What’s happened?” I asked him, suddenly a lot more alert.

I found my glasses and turned the light on, knowing I needed to be up.

“Steven was really angry at me and he’s kicked me out and I can barely walk and he still has my jeans and it hurts so much,” Dan blurted, sounding on the verge of tears.

“Okay, where are you?” I said, doing my best to sound calm, even though I most definitely wasn’t.

“O-outside his flat,” Dan stuttered, “I tried to get further away but I can’t walk any further.”

“I’m going to get a taxi and I’ll be there as soon as possible,” I told him, “I’ll call you right back once I’ve phoned for a taxi, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan replied shakily.

I felt so bad for ending the call, but I needed to get a taxi as soon as possible. Immediately, I chose the best taxi company I had in my phone and called them. It was fortunate we lived in London, where taxis are readily available at all hours. I told the man who answered my address and that it was urgent so I needed a taxi as soon as possible. He told me he could have one here within five minutes, and I thanked him about three times before hanging up the phone.

I called Dan back immediately and put him on speaker, while I rushed to put some underwear, jeans and shoes on. Dan picked up immediately and I was greeted by the sound of him crying into the phone.

“The taxi’ll be here in five minutes,” I told him, “There shouldn’t be too much traffic at this time so we’ll hopefully be with you in another five.”

Dan continued to cry, and wasn’t even trying to talk. I did what I could, giving him a commentary of what I was doing.

“I’m just getting my shoes on,” I told him, laying the phone on the floor next to me as I hurriedly tied up my shoelaces, “And I’m going to put a jacket on over my pj top.”

As I shrugged my coat on, I remembered what Dan said about not having his jeans. It would be freezing outside. I grabbed a blanket that was lying around the living room, before making my way out of the flat and down the stairs to be there before the taxi.

“I’ve brought a blanket,” I told Dan, as I descended the stairs, “I’m guessing you’re cold.”

“Y-yeah I am,” Dan stuttered, saying the most words he had in five minutes, “It’s fuckin’ freezing out here.”

“The taxi’s here,” I told Dan, seeing it approaching.

I climbed into the taxi and told the driver where we were going, reminding him it was urgent and I needed to be there as soon as possible. I also made sure he knew he was taking us home again.

The taxi driver was the inquisitive type and asked me what was so urgent, this late at night. I felt there was no harm in giving him some of the truth so I told him that my friend was in trouble and needed picked up. The rest of the details, he didn’t need to know.

As I’d predicted, the journey didn’t take any more than five minutes, and we were slowly driving along the road that Dan’s boyfriend lived on, me keeping an eye out for Dan. I got the driver to slow down when I saw a figure leaning against a tree. As we drew closer I knew it was Dan, so I told him I could see him. He looked up at the taxi just before we drew up next to him.

I scrambled out of the car and made my way over to him as fast as I could. I could now see him crying and trembling and I had to help. He looked so cold and vulnerable standing in just his t-shirt and underwear.

“Dan,” I said, approaching him with wide arms.

“Phil,” he sobbed, burying his face into my jacket and leaning his weight on me rather than the tree.

“You’re going to be okay,” I told him, wrapping my arms around him, “Let’s get in the car, where it’s warmer.”

I had to help Dan walk the short distance back to the taxi. On his face was an expression of pure discomfort, and his legs were shaking profoundly beneath him. Once inside, Dan flopped down on one of the seats, but then let out a loud hiss and shot back up. I had sat next to him and looked up at him with concern.

With the lights on inside the taxi, something caught my eye. From what Dan had said on the phone, and his struggling to walk, I had guessed that they had engaged in some rough sex, but I hadn’t quite realised how rough. Dan’s white boxers were stained with blood.

Fresh tears were leaking from his eyes and he looked at a loss about what to do. I gently caught ahold of his arm, and looked at him.

“I presume you know you’ve been bleeding?” I asked him.

Dan nodded solemnly and started crying harder.

“It’s okay,” I told him, “We’ll get you cleaned up when we’re home. Try and lay down on your front or side at the moment. You can put your head on my lap if it helps.”

Nodding, Dan curled up on his side on the seats next to, and tiredly rested his head on my lap. Feeling how cold he was, I took the blanket I had brought and wrapped it around him the best I could. I rubbed my hand up and down his arm, hoping to warm him up a little with my bad attempt at comforting him.

I wanted to ask Dan about what exactly happened, but I knew the rough idea in my head would have to do at the moment. Steven had been angry at Dan, and really mistreated him. I suspected the rough sex was nonconsensual on Dan’s part, and the other man had tossed him out on the street with no aftercare. I would do my best to get him cleaned up and give him something for the pain, but there was only so much I could do.

As the taxi drew up outside our flat, I paid the driver with a note and told him to keep the change. I scooped Dan up into my arms, doing my best to keep my arms away from his pain. It was a little difficult to open the doors while carrying him, but I eventually got him up the stairs and into our flat. I let him down onto the sofa while we decided what to do.

“Do you want to take a shower?” I asked him, thinking it might soothe some of the pain, in addition to washing away any bodily fluids.

“Yeahh,” Dan nodded, “But I… I don’t know if I can stand long enough.”

“I can help you if you want?” I suggested, “I can keep my underwear on, and I’ll just be there if you need a hand with anything.”

“C-could you?” Dan asked, hesitantly, “I don’t really want to go to bed covered in blood and his cum.”

“Of course,” I said, stretching a hand out to give him some help up, “C’mon, I’ll help you to the bathroom.”

Dan grabbed my hands and hesitantly got to his feet. We made slow progress to the bathroom, but got there without putting Dan in too much pain. I made sure there were towels on the radiator and shut over the door to keep the heat in.

I started to take my clothes off, reducing myself down to just my boxers. Dan, however, was still standing in his boxers and t-shirt.

“Dan?” I got his attention, “I’m sorry if it’s difficult being naked in front of me, but we need to get you cleaned up.”

“I’m fine with it, I…” Dan started, “It’s… just warning you he kinda spanked me a bit too.”

I averted my eyes for a minute to let him get undressed without me watching. When I looked back, I nearly gasped in shock at the red handprints littered across his behind. There were so many that it was hard to distinguish the separate marks. Dan hid his face in his hands at my reaction.

“You didn’t want any of this, did you?” I confirmed with Dan.

“No,” Dan stated, “I’ve told him before I’m not into bdsm and he knew that, but he just wouldn’t listen today.”

Dan lifted his wrists up in front of my eyes, and under the bright lights of the bathroom, I could see the sides of them were rubbed raw, “And he h-handcuffed me.”

This time I did gasp, taken aback by how far Steven had gone. I studied Dan’s wrist and knew they were going to be really painful.

“Let’s get in the shower,” I told Dan, “I’ll find you some antiseptic and stuff when we’re out.”

“Thanks,” Dan nodded, limping towards the shower.

Once the water was warm enough, Dan stepped under the stream of water. He let out a yelp as the water made contact with his sore skin, but I held him there and reminded him that the pain would go away in a minute. With Dan’s permission, I rubbed shower gel onto his back, working my way down to the more sensitive skin on his bum. I’d rejected his request of using a loofah as I felt it would irritate his already sore areas.

As I washed off a mixture of Dan’s blood and Steven’s cum, I felt a little invasive. I stopped before I got too close to Dan’s anus, because that was personal.

“You’re gonna have to do that bit,” I told him, “Clean it as best you can, because you’ve likely got some tearing up there if you’ve been bleeding.”

“Yeah,” Dan nodded, “I just don’t know if I can relax enough to get a finger up there.”

“Do you need lube?” I asked him, not being completely knowledgeable, as I wasn’t an experienced bottom like he was.

“It might help,” he said, “I could’ve done with some an hour ago though.”

I stepped out of the shower for a minute and eventually found what I was looking for hidden in my toiletries in the bathroom cupboard.

“You have lube?” Dan said, surprised.

“Yeah,” I said, “I barely use it though. Now and then I have a little fun in the shower, but I usually stick to my dick.”

“Wait, what? Are you a top or a bottom then?” Dan asked, puzzled, taking the lube from me and squeezing a little out.

I felt my cheeks turning pink at Dan’s question. It wasn’t really a discussion we’d had before. Yes, I knew Dan was a bottom, but all he knew about me is that I’m bisexual.

“Mainly a top,” I told him, “But I’m a little versatile, I have bottomed before.”

“Have you ever taken it with no prep or lube?” Dan asked, gently touching his hole with the lubed finger.

“No,” I told him, putting my hand on his shoulder, “And I wish that hadn’t happened to you.”

Dan went silent, and I knew only too well what he was doing. He had a finger up his arse, and seemed to be concentrating very hard, with an intense grimace on his face.

After not very long, he pulled it out with a cry of pain, “Fuck, nope, it’s too much.”

The finger Dan pulled out seemed to be coated in a multitude of substances, which he quickly rubbed on his thigh. He seemed to be trembling more and looked like he was holding back tears.

“Dan,” I said his name softly, “Are you okay? Do you need a hug?”

Dan shook his head then nodded, I guess not trusting his voice to speak without cracking. I brought my arms around him and pulled our upper bodies together, giving him a shoulder to cry on if he needed to. After a few seconds, Dan let out a sniffle, which soon turned into full blown sobs. I ran my hands up and down his back in what I hoped would be a soothing action.

“It hurts so fucking much,” Dan complained eventually, choking the words out between sobs, “And I hate that I can’t clean it out because I know there’s still some of his cum in there and it disgusts me.”

“It’s okay,” I told him, “It’ll be gone soon, you’ll need to poop at some point so that’ll get rid of it.”

“Fuck, I don’t know if I’ll be able to,” Dan groaned, “Like I couldn’t right now, so what am I going to do tomorrow?”

“I’m sure you’ll be in a lot less pain tomorrow,” I told him, bringing my hands to rest on his lower back, and rubbing gently on a spot where I knew some suffered from pain after sex, “But if you have any problems or signs of infection, I’ll take you to see the doctor.”

“Okay,” Dan agreed, “Hopefully it’ll hurt less soon.”

“I’ll give you some painkillers before bed and hopefully you’ll get to sleep okay,” I told him, “It’ll be better in the morning.”

“Thanks,” Dan sniffed, eventually managing to put an end to his crying.

“How about we get out now?” I suggested to Dan, reaching out to turn the shower off.

“Okay,” he agreed, stepping away from me and holding onto the shower door handle instead.

We stepped out of the shower, and I brought Dan over his towel, before wrapping mine around me. Once I had the towel around my waist, I kicked off the sodden boxers. I felt a little bad about being self conscious when I hadn’t given Dan much choice, but I think we would’ve found it even weirder to be completely naked together.

I let Dan get himself dry, only stepping in when he sank to his knees in physical exhaustion. I made sure my own towel was securely tied around my waist before scooping him up, towel and all, so he wasn’t completely exposed. I carried him to my room rather than his and laid him down on my bed.

“Lie down on your front, if that’s comfortable,” I told him, “I have some aloe vera gel that should help soothe the sting on your butt; I’m just going to get the first aid stuff for your wrists too.”

“Okay,” Dan said, starting to lay down, “Could you get me some water while you’re away?”

“Sure,” I said, “Anything else?”

“No, just water,” Dan confirmed, “My throat hurts from screaming then crying and everything.”

I quickly pulled back on the pyjama bottoms I had abandoned earlier, and left the bedroom to gather everything as quickly as I could; water, painkillers, bandages, antiseptic and aloe vera gel. I also grabbed Dan a clean pair of boxers from his room as that was what he usually slept in.

“Hey,” I greeted him as I walked back into the room, “I’m back.”

Dan was laying on his front, with the red cheeks of his rear staring me in the face. It looked so sore; I hated to think what it would feel like.

“Are you okay with me putting this aloe vera on your bum?” I asked him, “It would be kinda hard for you.”

“Yeah that’s fine, just get on with it,” Dan said.

I squeezed a fair bit of the gel onto my hands and was reminded of its cool temperature.

“This is going to be cold,” I warned him, before bringing my hands down and starting to rub it on.

At first Dan let out a hiss, but after a minute or two he said it was helping. I was glad. It was good for sunburn, and I’m pretty sure spanking both looked and felt similar.

“Do you think you can sit up?” I asked him, deciding that that would be the easiest way to deal with everything else.

“I’ll give it a shot,” Dan said, slowly rolling over and then pushing himself up, wincing a little but not too much.

“Great,” I commented, passing him the glass of water and plopping the painkillers next to him, “Have a drink, and take two of those when you’re ready.”

I picked up Dan’s right hand, as he was drinking with his left, and took a closer look at his wrist. It was all very pink, but there were a couple of patches where it had become an open wound. I gently smeared some antiseptic on it, and wrapped a bandage around to keep it clean. I checked with Dan that it wasn’t too tight, then waited until he’d taken the painkillers and finished the water before I repeated the process with his left wrist.

“That’s me done,” I told him, “Do you want to sleep now?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Dan said, shuffling forwards as if to stand up.

“You can stay with me if you want?” I told him, “Like I’d rather you’re not alone if you need another cry or something.”

“That would be good,” Dan said, “But I should go and get some underwear.”

“Done,” I exclaimed, tossing him the pair I had brought from his room, “I got them when I got the other stuff.”

“Thanks Phil,” Dan said, moving only to pull the white fabric up his legs.

“If those are too tight for your injuries, I can find you something else?” I offered.

“No, they’re good,” Dan said, adjusting himself a little, “They’re soft and don’t bunch up if I roll over.”

I switched off the light and got into my bed next to Dan, pulling the duvet up over us.

“I’m right here if you need me,” I told him.

“Thanks,” Dan said, “And thanks so much for getting me out of that mess.”

“It’s okay,” I told him, “You’re my best friend, I do these sorts of things for you.”

“Goodnight Phil,” Dan said, “I’m going to try and sleep now.”

“Goodnight,” I replied.

There were a good few minutes where neither of us said anything as be both tried to get to sleep, but to no avail. The silence was broken by a sniff from Dan and a timid ‘Can I get a hug?’ breaking through the darkness.

I responded by shuffling up next to him and putting one arm around him, pulling him a little closer to me. I knew it was a little weird for us to be cuddling, but Dan needed a bit of love after what he’d been through today.

Dan fell asleep fairly quickly, and I only let myself drift off once I was sure he was.

—

Waking up to a warm bundle in my arms, someone’s head resting on my chest, was an unusual experience for me. Looking at the time, and discovering it was already the afternoon, I decided to wake him up.

“Dan,” I said, giving him a nudge, “Wake up.”

It took me a couple of attempts to get a reaction from him, but eventually he let out a sleepy but confused sound, “Wh-wh.. Phil?”

“Yeah?” I replied, wondering how long it would take him to remember.

“Why am I…” he mumbled starting to sit up, “Oh…”

Dan flopped back down on the bed and rolled onto his front. Then he changed his mind and rolled onto his side, letting out a dissatisfied grunt.

“I’m guessing everything still hurts?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he replied, “My arse hurts like hell. My wrist are a bit stingy. My heart is torn in two. My chest…”

“Your chest?” I asked, unsure where that came into the equation.

“… hurts,” Dan finished.

“Why?” I asked, wondering how worried I should be.

“I don’t know,” Dan said, “I can’t remember if Steven did anything else, or maybe I slept on it funny.”

Wondering if it would be at all obvious, I pulled back the duvet to see Dan’s chest. There were three or four big purpling bruises trailing from his collarbone to his stomach.

“Was this Steven?” I asked Dan, gesturing to the marks.

“I think so,” Dan said, “I think I blacked out at one point from the pain and he might’ve hit me.”

“Ouch,” I said, wondering if I should take him to get checked out for broken ribs.

“Do you think your ribs are all okay?” I asked him.

“I think so,” Dan said, running his hands over his chest, “It’s nothing too bad, because the other pain drowned it out last night.”

“Okay, that’s good,” I said, “Now, I think we should get up and have some breakfast. You can have some more painkillers too. Your wrists should be helping themselves but we’ll check up on them later. As for your sore behind, help yourself to the aloe vera; that’ll save you from any more embarrassment.”

“Okay,” Dan said, “And yeah I’ve probably had enough of my best friend seeing my butt for a while. Thanks for doing all that for me.”

“It’s no problem,” I laughed, “I care about you.”

“Unlike some people,” Dan muttered under his breath.

Dan wasn’t having such trouble with walking today, which was an improvement. We headed to the kitchen to make cereal, and plonked ourselves down in the living room to eat it. Whilst eating, Dan kept shuffling around uncomfortably. I felt bad for him and his literal pain in the arse.

When we’d finished eating, I sent him off to get some painkillers, and get some more aloe vera gel if he wanted. Meanwhile, I took both my duvet and Dan’s and piled them on the sofa to make it a little more comfortable. I looked out some maltesers from an emergency supply I kept for when Dan was feeling down, and put them on the coffee table. I set up the TV with one of Dan’s all time favourite films and awaited his return.

Dan reappeared, this time in pyjamas, and with a mug of tea in his hand.

“Kettle’s still hot if you want any,” he said, “Wow, thanks for doing this.”

Dan looked happy as he took in the sight of the title screen on the TV, the duvets on the sofa, and the maltesers at the side. He almost looked like he was going to cry, but he bit his lip and held it back.

“Steven never did anything like this for me,” he said thoughtfully, sitting down in amongst the duvets and letting out a sigh.

“Did you put more of the aloe vera on?” I asked him, noticing he looked more comfortable.

“Yeah,” he replied, “And there was a little blood on my boxers again so I got changed. I’m going commando now for a change. Shit what if it goes through my pjs and gets on your duvet?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I told him, “You’re not bleeding that much - in fact probably not at all now - and even if it did, there’s a thing called a washing machine.”

“I guess,” Dan said, relaxing back into the sofa.

“Now,” I said, changing the topic, “I want you to have a lazy day, okay? No doing any work. You’re hurt and need to recover so that means sofa, movies, hot drinks and using your flatmate as your slave. Got that?”

“Yep,” Dan laughed, “I can manage that.”

“Do you want anything else?” I asked him, the slave comment not being a joke; I wanted to help him where I could.

“Just stay with me,” he said, patting the patch of sofa next to him.

I moved over and allowed Dan to lean on me if he wanted. We put the film on and settled ourselves down for a lazy afternoon. By the end of the film, Dan was completely in my arms and neither of us minded one bit. I was glad he wasn’t hurting so much physically anymore, but I knew there would still be some trauma in his heart.

Later in the afternoon, I got up to fix us some sandwiches and decided to check for post at the same time. There was the usual advertising, bills and bank statements, but one thing stood out. A small card that read, _‘I’m sorry. Your stuff is outside the door. - Steven’_. Interested, I opened the door to see a few things piled up outside. First I noticed the bunch of flowers and large box of chocolates. Underneath there was a bag which turned out to have the clothes Dan had left at Steven’s place, along with a letter.

I brought the stuff inside and wondered what I said to Dan about it. After some careful consideration, I decided it would be best to give him it now to get it over with, rather than bringing Steven up again in a few days time.

I took the stuff into the living room and got Dan’s attention, “I’m guessing you won’t want to hear this but Steven’s been round and left your stuff outside the door. I think he’s trying to apologise.”

I showed Dan what his ‘boyfriend’ had brought round: his clothes, chocolate and flowers. Then I dug the letter out of the bag.

“He’s also included a letter,” I told Dan, “I haven’t read it.”

“Could you?” Dan said, “And you can tell me what it’s about before I read it.”

“Okay,” I said, unfolding the piece of paper and beginning to read it inside my head.

_Dan,_

_I am very very sorry about what I did last night. I know it was inexcusable to treat you in that way, but I wasn’t in my right mind. I’m not trying to make excuses but I’m guessing you’d at least be interested to know where my mind was, and why it wasn’t focused on making you feel good. My boss fired me yesterday for something one of my colleagues had done, and I was raging. I may have had a couple of drinks before you came over and I don’t make a calm drunk at the best of times. In no way do I expect you to want to take me back, but I want to let you know I regret my actions of last night and wish I hadn’t done all of those horrible things to you. I know there is nothing I can do that will truly make up for my monstrous actions, but I am returning your clothes along with a couple of apology gifts. I will forever feel the guilt from my mistake, but I hope an apology is of even the slightest consolation._

_Sorry again,_

_Steven_

_PS - I hope you got home safely and that your friend managed to take care of you when I didn’t. Phil deserves your company a million times more than I do._

I looked up from the letter and over at Dan, who was looking at me expectantly.

“He’s written you a very nice and well thought out apology letter,” I told Dan, folding it shut again, “I think you should read it.”

I joined Dan on the sofa and passed him the letter. He slowly lifted it up with one hand, and the other began to tap anxiously on his knee as he unfolded it. I took a hold of his hand to try and calm him down, sandwiching it between both of mine. Dan briefly looked down with a smile, before turning his attention back to the letter.

I watched his expression as he read the letter but he kept it vacant. I watched his eyes travel down the page. His eyes lingered on the last sentence after he had finished and his whole body began to tremble. Dan dropped the letter to the floor, and crawled towards me, tears starting to leak from his eyes. I opened my arms, allowing him to crawl into my arms, holding him for awhile, while he cried.

“You okay?” I asked him after a bit, him seeming to be regaining control.

“Yeah,” Dan said shakily, “I’m glad he apologised. I’m never going to forgive him, but it helps.”

I nodded, understanding where Dan was coming from, “Now, what do you want to do? Stay on the sofa and watch more films? How’s everything feeling?”

“Still sore,” Dan admitted, “But a little better.”

“Can I see your wrists?” I asked him, “Now seems like a good time, while I remember.”

“Okay,” Dan agreed, shuffling back from my embrace and holding out his arms to me.

I carefully unwound the bandages from both his wrists and laid them on my lap. There wasn’t much improvement from yesterday, but they were looking a little less inflamed. I wasn’t exactly an expert in first aid, so I decided rewrapping them in clean bandages would be best.

“I think we should go and give these a little wash and put some clean bandages back on,” I told him.

Getting up from the sofa, I binned the bandages and then gave Dan a hand up. He was still looking a bit pained as he walked, but there was definitely an improvement. I took him to the bathroom, where I had returned the first aid stuff to. I put the tap on and made sure it was at a medium temperature, before taking one of Dan’s wrists and holding it under the water. I rubbed it gently with my hand, knowing the skin was likely too thin for anything else. When I was satisfied it was probably clean enough, I repeated the process with his other wrist. Afterwards, I gently patted them dry, and wrapped them in fresh bandages.

As we returned to the comfortable mound of duvet, Dan grabbed his phone, only telling me once he’d sat down what he was planning to do.

“I’m going to phone him,” Dan said, “Phone Steven and thank him for apologising but confirm that we’re well and truly over.”

“You sure you’re feeling up for it?” I asked him, surprised.

“No, but it’s best to get it over and done with,” he replied.

“Want to put him on speaker?” I asked, “So I can interject if I need to, and I want to give him a small piece of my mind when you’re done.”

“What are you going to say?” Dan asked, sounding a little concerned.

“Not a lot; I just want him to know exactly how much he hurt you,” I explained, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep calm.”

“Okay,” Dan laughed, opening up the contacts in his phone and hovering his finger over the call button for ‘Steve(n) <3’.

It took a minute of Dan mentally preparing himself, but eventually he lowered his finger to the phone screen and hit the call button. It rang once, twice, and on the third ring it was picked up.

“Dan?” A hesitant voice, which I recognised as Steven answered.

“Yeah,” Dan replied, “I just want to say thanks for apologising. I’m gonna be honest, I’ll never forgive you, so we’re completely over, but I’m glad we’re not just ending things and leaving the loose ends the way they were.”

“Yeah, I understand, you wouldn’t want me back, I don’t deserve it, I’m a terrible person,” Steven said.

“You’re not a completely horrible person,” Dan told him, “You were lovely, and I’m sure you’ll find someone else. Just better luck with keeping your temper under control next time.”

Dan looked as if he had run out of stuff to say, which wasn’t surprising given the nature and purpose of the phonecall. I took this as my opportunity to interject.

“Yeah, maybe you should take anger management lessons,” I suggested, with a hint of harshness, “Don’t want to leave any of your future partners bleeding from their arse, barely able to walk and out in their underwear.”

I heard a sharp intake of breath from the other end of the line, and I knew I had hit a nerve, or something at least.

“I’m sorry,” Steven said sadly, “I never meant for that to happen, I just lost control.”

“So I read in your letter,” Dan said, “Just don’t let that happen around any future partners. I don’t want anyone else to have to feel this much pain.”

“I’ll do my best,” said Steven, “Good luck with your life, I hope you find someone better. Or at least, stick with Phil, he strikes me as a good guy.”

“Thanks,” Dan said hesitantly, “And bye.”

Steven said goodbye too, then Dan hung up the phone, dropping it back into his relief with a sigh of relief, “I hope I never have to face him again.”

Dan tapped to edit the contact on his phone and backspaced out the 'Steve(n) <3’. He looked thoughtful for a second, then let out a small chuckle as he replaced it with 'Stevil’.

“I would delete him entirely but I’d rather have the warning of who it is if he tries to contact me,” Dan explained, “I mean I could block all my ex-boyfriends but that seems a bit over the top.”

“Yeah, and don’t go rushing into finding anyone new,” I told him, “Let yourself recover for a while, have some Dan time, before thinking about any Williams or Harrys or whoever.”

“Yeah, one Phil will do me for the moment,” Dan said, cuddling into my side a little, “And sorry if I’m clingy or anything, I’m just a bit emotionally drained.”

“It’s okay,” I told him, bringing my arm around his shoulders, “You can have as many hugs as you need.”

“Thanks,” Dan replied, letting out a sigh, “This makes me feel a little bit better.”

I gave Dan a few minutes of silence to collect his thoughts, before I suggested doing anything. We should probably think about what to have for dinner. Something in the back of my head said I should know already, but I couldn’t think what it was.

“Do you remember what we were planning for dinner?” I asked Dan, eventually breaking the silence.

Dan looked thoughtful for a minute, before his face turned to one of shock, “Shit. Louise. We were meant to be meeting her in Pizza Express in… ten minutes.”

I looked at the clock, now remembering what it was and double checking the time I had in my phone calendar. I had been too busy to notice the reminder.

“I can’t go out,” Dan stated.

“I know, but Louise’ll already be most of the way here. I’ll phone her. Should I invite her here instead?” I asked, “We can’t just send her home again. We could order in pizza and just chill, we were going to do that anyway afterwards.”

“Yeah,” Dan replied, “Ideally, I wouldn’t want to see anyone, but it’s Louise so I think I’ll be okay.”

“Okay, I’d better phone her before she gets there,” I said, cutting Dan off.

I found Louise in my phone and hit the call button without any hesitation.

“Phil?” she asked, answering the phone, “You on your way yet?”

“No,” I replied, “About that, could you come here instead? We totally forgot. There’s been a bit of drama, and Dan’s not fit to go out.”

“Yeah, hold on, let me tell the taxi driver,” she said.

I could hear her give the taxi driver our address, and her apologising for the change in destination.

“Hi, I’m back,” she said, “I’m on my way to your’s now; what’s happened?”

“Dan’s broken up with Steven,” I told her, “It happened about two in the morning and was messy to say the least.”

“Oh dear,” she said, “What happened? Did they have a fight? Shall I stop and buy some ice cream?”

“You could say that,” I said vaguely, “And no, don’t bother. I think we have some in the freezer and it’ll only confuse your taxi driver more.”

“Okay, well I’ll see you in like five/ten minutes,” she said.

“Wait, we’re going to order pizza. What do you want and I’ll get them ordered?” I asked.

Louise gave me her pizza order and after that we hung up the conversation. I ordered our pizzas quickly so they hopefully would arrive not long after Louise. In the end, the pizzas arrived about ten minutes after Louise, which wasn’t bad as the pizza places around us were often busy.

We were sitting on the sofas eating pizza, and so far Louise hadn’t brought up Dan’s breakup. I think she had seen the way he was buried in a mound of duvets, looking miserable and was afraid to ask. She had probably also seen the painkillers I passed him with his dinner. Instead, she asked about other stuff: whether we were well and how was work going and that sort of thing.

Once we’d all finished, I was clearing up the pizza boxes and heading to get the ice cream, when Louise got up and followed me to the kitchen.

“Phil, can I have a word?” she asked, “It’s about Dan. His wrists… has he… is he… self-harming?”

“No, no, don’t worry,” I told rushed, “Oh God, I never thought you might see it that way. He… uhh…”

I had to stop and think for a second about what I told her, but I decided it was best to go with the truth. Louise was probably one of Dan’s next best friends after me, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind as long as I left out the gory details.

“I haven’t exactly told you about how Dan broke up with Steven. It’s quite bad,” I started, “Basically he was angry and forced Dan into some non-con bdsm stuff. Dan was handcuffed, spanked, and fucked with no lube or preparation. His wrists are a little raw and sore, and I won’t give you the gory details about the rest. That’s probably a bit personal. Long story short, he’s in a fair bit of pain.”

“Oh Gosh,” Louise said, shocked and otherwise speechless, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes.

“Yeah, I had to get a taxi and go pick him up about two in the morning,” I told her, “And I’ve seen the damage first hand because I had to help him take a shower.”

“It was that bad?” she asked, sounding a little surprised.

“Louise, he could barely walk,” I told her, “He can now, but with a lot of effort and pain.”

Louise let out a sniff, being emotional about what had happened to Dan. I pulled her into a hug for a second and passed her a piece of kitchen roll to dry her eyes or blow her nose on if she needed.

“Let’s get the ice cream and head back through,” I suggested, “I don’t want to be leaving him alone for too long.”

“Can you let him know I know?” Louise asked, “Or shall I just give him a hug.”

“I would just go in there for the hug,” I said, “That seems more your style, and he’ll understand.”

I got the ice cream out of the freezer, serving it into three bowls, and plonking a spoon into each bowl. Between Louise and I, we carried them through.

Louise laid her ice cream down, and came over to the sofa where Dan and I were sitting. She perched on the edge of the sofa and put her arms around Dan.

“Phil told me what happened,” she said, crying a little, “I’m so sorry.”

I let them hug for a bit longer, because Dan seemed to have joined in with the waterworks. Louise’s few tears dried up when she noticed that Dan was full on sobbing.

I decided to intervene, bringing Dan into a hug from the side and encouraging him to move more towards me. Louise slowly moved away once he was in my arms.

“It’s okay,” I told him, running my hand up his back, “Is anything else wrong?”

“No,” he sobbed, “It just hit me again, what happened.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, “Or just stay like this?”

“No, stay like this,” Dan said, shuffling close enough that he was practically sitting in my lap, “There’s nothing else to talk about.”

Louise had begun to eat her ice cream whilst watching our scene with an air of worry. I picked up both mine and Dan’s ice cream from the coffee table and passed him the bowl. He began to eat it miserably, sniffing occasionally and laying the spoon down to dry his eyes.

Louise and I chatted about a number of things, while I continued to quietly comfort Dan. He seemed to have lost any sense of talkativeness that he’d had earlier on. The evening drew on, time flying as it does when you’re with a friend who you haven’t spoken to in a while. Dan looked exhausted and I knew he would fall asleep on the he sofa if he stayed up much longer. I think Louise might’ve noticed his slight dozing off, because she said that she’d better be off home to ‘let Dan have some peace’ and allow us to ‘have an early night’ because it sounded like we’d been up late.

We both got up to see Louise to the door, well I got up and Dan hobbled behind me. As we stood by the door while Louise got her coat on, I put my arm around him and let on lean on me to support some of his weight. Louise hugged us goodbye together, telling Dan that she hoped he felt better soon, and reminding him that break ups were often for the best.

As soon as Louise had left, I suggested to Dan that he headed to bed, and he agreed without any hesitation. I watched as he walked down the hall to his room, then went to tidy up the living room and lock up for the night. I was going to call it a night too, or at least, lay in bed in my pyjamas and read for a while.

I’d been reading for a little while, maybe half an hour - I always slightly lost track of time when reading, when Dan’s voice called out from across the corridor, “Phil? You still awake?”

“Yeah?” I replied, getting up from my bed and walking to the doorway where I could talk to him without shouting, “You okay?”

“Could… could…” he started, “Sorry, nevermind.”

“Dan,” I said, pushing his door open and walking into his room, “What’s wrong?”

I made my way over to his bed and sat on the edge near to the lump that was him hiding under the duvet, wondering what was bothering him.

“I… could…” Dann stuttered again, “I slept for a tiny bit but then I had a dream where some of it happened again and could you stay here with me?”

“Sure,” I said, laying my hand where I’d figured his shoulder was, “Want to let me under here then?”

Some more of the duvet emerged from underneath Dan, which I slithered under once I was laying down. I quickly found him curled up under the duvet, knees up by his stomach and arms curled into his bruised chest.

“Do you want a hug?” I asked him, “Or would that be weird if we did that again?”

“That would be nice,” Dan said, “And I don’t care if it’s weird or not; all I care about is wanting to feel less shit.”

“Okay, I’m not bothered either,” I said, shuffling closer and putting my arms around him, “I want you to feel better too.”

“I don’t think I’m going near any other guys for a while,” Dan stated, “Like I think I’ll just break down if I get that close to anyone else.”

“Yeah, that’s an idea, but I’m sure you’ll be okay with someone else in the future, well if you can find someone decent. All the guys I’ve dated have been complete dicks,” I told him.

“Is that why you haven’t dated anyone in ages?” Dan asked.

“I guess,” I said, “But I haven’t really felt the need; like at the moment I’m happy with what I have. I don’t see myself moving out of here and doing the settling down and having kids thing any time soon.”

“Me neither to be honest,” Dan said, “Like I never wanted to move in with Steven. Staying over was okay, but I feel like living with anyone else would be downright weird. I’m happy with this for the moment, whatever it is we are.”

“Same,” Phil said, “And who knows what we are? Two not-straight guys cuddling in a bed? Doesn’t sound one-hundred percent platonic to me?”

“Yeah,” Dan laughed, “But we don’t need to put a label on it. I’m happy to keep calling you my ‘best friend’, but anything’s fine really.”

“Yeah, no hurry on figuring that out,” I told him, “Let’s get you back on your feet, then we can worry sometime in the future if we should change what we call ourselves.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Dan mused, yawning.

“Though in this moment, I think you should focus on going to sleep,” I suggested.

“Yeah,” Dan said, “I’ll try my best; goodnight.”

I wished Dan a goodnight in return, and let myself start to drift off to sleep. I held in him my arms, feeling content and happy in that moment in time. It’s not the labels that matter; what counts is what’s under them.


End file.
